Hi love,
I heard you just got diagnosed with PCOS. That’s tough. How are you feeling about it? When I got diagnosed it was one big messy bag of emotions. I was relieved at first, vindicated in a way. I always knew something was wrong and nobody was taking me seriously. Until they were. And I was like finally! I knew I was right. Then the other feelings came. I couldn’t deny it anymore.
I had PCOS. And that sucks.
And so I sat in my car. Right there in the hospital parking lot. By myself. And bawled. Cried like someone I loved I had died. And in a way someone I loved did. A version of me that didn’t have this chronic illness.
I felt heartbroken. I felt betrayed by my body. I felt like life was just unfair. I felt upset with all the people that hadn’t listened to me before about my symptoms. I was scared about all the horrible things I heard people with PCOS went through. I was worried about having an illness that couldn’t be cured. Safe to say I was a depressed mess.
Maybe it’s a little different for you. Maybe you haven’t heard about PCOS before. Maybe you’re frantically googling what on earth you have. And that’s how you found me. Maybe you finally have a name for the thing you could hardly describe. However you got here and however you’re feeling I want to give you some words.
First of all – I’m proud of you. For taking whatever steps it took you to get to this diagnosis. No matter how long it took. No matter if you had to lay all the ground work for your diagnosis or if it hit you out the blue. Something was off and you found the courage to face it. And that’s no small thing.
Second – I’m sorry you had to go through this. And I don’t mean that in a pitying way. But I know what it’s like to receive a diagnosis that might feel like it shatters your world. And all the implications it might have on your future and what you want for yourself. It’s okay to feel the sadness, the sorrow and even the despair.
Thirdly – however you feel and will feel while you process your diagnosis is okay. Feelings of sadness, anger, resentment, disappointment, vindication, feeling like life is unfair and your body betrayed you. All totally valid. If you feel like you’ve lost a dream or a future that’s okay too and totally understandable. Don’t let people tell you how you should feel about it. Don’t listen to them when they say it’s not a big deal or you’re over reacting. Feel it love. Name it if you can. It only means you’re human.
Lastly – you might not believe it now but you’ll learn to live with it. Like all the other hard things you’ve learnt to live with before. You will make space for it and you will smooth the hard edges of it and it will become a part of you. But not the whole of you. You will learn what works for you and what doesn’t. And that journey will be a winding road and things will change. But just like anything else, take it one step at a time and do what you can manage.
You have been living with PCOS for awhile if you have a diagnosis so in a way you’re kinda used to it. Over time you will learn to relieve some symptoms and life will be easier. You will learn that not because it happens to people with PCOS it must happen to you. You will learn that even though it can cause things like infertility it doesn’t mean you won’t have a baby if you want. Not everyone has every symptoms and some symptoms change over time.
Take a breath.
Do something kind for yourself today.
Cry some more if you must.
And when you’re ready, I’ll be right here to help you tackle your next steps.
You are not alone.
We’ll get through this together.
Okay? Good.
With all my love,
Olivia